Annual Leave should be included in the motherhood job description. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our kids, but that we love ourselves too.
In every job we are employed to do, we are offered, and take, Annual Leave. It’s expected, it’s accepted and we take it with joy.
Every job offers Annual Leave. Every job that is, except motherhood.
Okay so maybe mums are not technically ’employed’ but motherhood is a job (for every mum – home mums and working mums), and many will agree it’s the most important job. It’s one of the most all consuming, emotional, never ending, high pressure jobs there can be. We are bringing up humans! Protecting them, teaching them, nurturing them, loving them. It’s not easy – especially if right now, like me, you’re a tween mum.
We should be given a break, once or twice a year. And it shouldn’t be on us (because everything is on us) to put up our hand and say we need time to ourselves. I think we should have Annual Leave that we can take as needed, removing the unspoken (and often spoken) judgement placed on mums who say they need a break and who take time from their kids and family, like I just did on a five-day-trip away to Hawaii. I was all alone and it was life-changing.
Maybe it’s semantics. But ‘Annual Leave’ sure sounds less judge-able than ‘holiday’. Annual Leave is an accepted need, whereas a holiday is often seen as a gluttonous choice by an uncaring mum.
Annual Leave from motherhood is for time alone. It’s not for a family holiday because we all know that family holidays are no holidays for mums. We are there making sure everyone has a good time. Organising swim time, nap time, meals, sunscreen, dealing with tantrums and being the entertainment. Family holidays are fabulous, but they are not a break for mums.
It took me a while to feel comfortable about the idea of taking my Annual Leave from motherhood and holidaying solo without my daughter, because it just doesn’t seem to be celebrated. Yes, there are girls trips and weekends away but the idea of a five day planned holiday without kids seems very purposeful, and therefore very judgeable. Acknowledging you need time away, in fact, crave time away, is often looked up favourably – ‘how can you say you want to be apart from your kids?’ mums will ask or, a message I was sent while I was on my Annual Leave – ‘I love my kids, so I could never have a holiday without them’ implying that because I need time apart I don’t love mine, at least not as much as other mums.
Let’s just acknowledge that most of us feel the desperate need for time to ourselves, but we often don’t talk about it or take action because it’s just not accepted. It’s why, I believe, wine time is often the most popular time of the day for many mums. And I think the anticipation of Annual Leave could definitely help alleviate the ground-hog day existence we often find ourselves in – whether working mums or not.
A holiday without kids seems so strange when everything you do is often all about the children. To go away with the intention of having fun without them seems kind of..selfish maybe, and I guess un-motherly. The more I think about that notion the more I see how crazy it is. As mums we devote a good part of our lives to our kids, so having a little break to reenergise and reset on a vacation without kids should be absolutely fine. Some people still think it’s not, and can be quite vocal about it – and we need to normalise the idea of mums having time away. It’s necessary.
Maybe we just need to reset our perception and take away the focus from it being seen as the mum’s decision to leave her kids and holiday. Annual Leave should be recognised as a requirement for mums to be the best they can be. Everyone needs a break – mums more than most.
That’s why mums need Annual Leave.
An enforced break. Time away to get back to ourselves. To rest, to regroup, to let our minds just dissolve and not be filled with the constant timetable checking and list remembering and the overwhelming emotion of caring so much for every second of every day.
It doesn’t mean we don’t love our kids – it’s because we love our kids that Annual Leave is so important
It doesn’t mean we’re not a good mum – having Annual Leave gives us time to refresh so we have the energy to continue to be amazing mums
It doesn’t mean we don’t want to be a mum – being a mum is not all that we are, we need time for ourselves too.
So let’s change our mindsets – establish Annual Leave within your job description and take it, just like I did.
I’ll be putting in another Leave request (to myself) very soon. I’m pretty sure it’s going be approved.